Sunday, August 2, 2009
An Oldie But Goodie...
Whilst procrastinating doing any "real" work the other day, I came across this essay I wrote many, many moons ago at the tender age of fifteen. I was wise beyond my years...
Forever and Ever, A-Man
God is a man. After years of careful study and musch observation, I have come to believe that yes, our maker is indeed a member of that braindead, incoherant, ignorant species which has deemed itself superior. Why, you may ask? I'll give you three reasons: Pantyhose, PMS and Underwires.
Honestly, would any sane, self respecting woman, if given a choice,inflict such pain and emotional turmoil on her own species as PMS? I think not. IF men were subjected to just one gut wrenching, stomach bursting, excrutiatingly painful cramp, it wouldn't be long before menstrual leave days were put into place and made law.
How about pantyhose? I would love to meet the genious who thought those up. Sheer pieces of nylon used to slim, trim and shape every inch of the female anatomy, all for the visual pleasure of males. Siskel and Ebert give them two thumbs up. Thelma and Louise? Don't even go there. In my humble opinion, pantyhose are the number one cause of female stress. One small hitch and bang! Ladders up the leg! Do men have to worry about htis phenomenom? I don't think so.
For my final point, I'm dragging out the heavy artillery; the brassiere. When Christ said “My cups runneth over,” he didn't know what he was talking about! To me it makes no sense whatsoever. Why is it that the most sensitive area of the female body has been pushed, pulled, prodded, injected with silicon, deflated and to my chagrin, surrounded with wire? Please! The day that men walk around in jocks lined with barbed wire is the day I will think about offering debate as to the sex of the lord on high. A-Man.