Dear Mom...

Dear Mom,
As I type this, you are somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, perhaps poking cautiously at the mysterious offering dubiously labelled as food that $1500.00 gets you on an Air Canada, trans - atlantic flight. Or maybe you are flicking through the fine reading material I selected for you this morning at Cork Airport. For the record, that one from Girls Aloud is looking SICKENINGLY thin!

More then likely however, you are missing your grandbabies. Therefore, I have taken the liberty of packing you a virtual suitcase to open up and dig through anytime you're feeling blue.

Item one: Unlimited supply of baby puke divided into single size portions. For those child free moments when you're feeling just a bit too fresh and clean. Open vial and toss over body part, item of clothing or piece of furniture of your choice. Works best when in situation where immediate washing is not an option and item being doused is of great value, someone else's or dry clean only.

Item two: A non stop recording of the Snot Queen throwing a major tantrum. Play this anytime you close a door, be it front, back, cupboard, fridge... you name it! Can also be used when coming in from outside. It doesn't matter what the weather or how long you've been out for, if you're coming inside, this recording is a must!

Special bonus recording!: Sounds of Small One - non stop, live recording of Small One's bowel sounds and the cries which ensue when gas attacks!

Item three: Baby Poo, and lots of it! Comes in all different shades. For extra fun, play your Special Bonus Recording everytime you come across a green one!

Item four: Porridge. Rub in hair. Throw on floors, tables, chairs... basically, anywhere there wasn't porridge before!

Item five: Selection of brightly coloured plastic toys which play a variety of tinny sounding nursery songs and lullabyes. Play on repeat. Again and again and again and again...

Of course, if you get through all of these and your heart is still a little bit blue, you can have a peek at the bottom of the suitcase in a special compartment marked "For Emergencies and Special Occasions." Here you will find Item six...

A selection of the softest kisses and sweetest smiles that money can never buy. These are given freely to you with love from your girls. Just enough to get you through until we see you again.

Christmas can't come fast enough.

We love you and miss you. It was a wonderful month.