Friday, November 20, 2009

What's New?

Apparently, the river around the town where I live has burst it's banks.

I had no idea.

Just down the road from us, Cork City has been completely flooded and the city centre shut down.

Again, not a clue.

A few of our neighboring towns are being described online as "disaster zones" and "washed away."

I was not aware of this.

Almost every main road in the county has been closed and those that remain open are expected to close this evening when the tide comes in. The college where my darling (almost) hubbie works has cancelled all lectures until the end of the month due to flood damage (Yet somehow research continues as!)

Seriously! How did I miss this? What earth shattering events in the poo scented bubble that is now my life could possibly have left me completely unaware of the fact that apparently, the entire country (except for our estate) is now under water?!?!?

Well, for starters...

I am on the verge of selling my children. The Snot Queen's teething and has decided not to sleep until 11 o'clock every night this week and then wake up at least once a night looking for comfort in the form of mama's all night dairy bar, the baby has the plague and last night I had to LANCE MY NIPPLE. Yes, that's right, I had to Lance, i.e STICK A NEEDLE THROUGH MY NIPPLE as I had a milk blister which made me want to chew off my right breast every time either of the girls tried to latch on and the only way to deal with it was to drain it.

On top of that, the washing machine is broken and half our clothes are covered in poo (baby as well as one lovely sample of random neighborhood dog) both of the girls once again have a lovely dose of thrush on their bottoms and I was up all night with the smallie who was super congested and punishing me for her inability to feed and breathe at the same time by covering my chest in snot.

I was just starting to feel in control of it all this morning when Tiny One let loose and shat all over herself, which wouldn't have been so bad had she been wearing a nappie. Unfortunately, this was not the case as she was "airing out" and I didn't notice until she'd covered her legs and feet in a fine layer of slimy, yellow pooh.

I have a spa coupon I was given for my birthday that I am desperate to use, but at this point would settle for five minutes uninterrupted in the bathroom or a shower where nobody tries to "clean" my feet with a toothbrush.

The only "current" events I am aware of are the ones that are "currently" happening right in front of me.

See you on the Ark...

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Wash n' Go

Our washing machine is broken.

The last time this happened, we were footloose and fancy free with not a care (or child) in the world.

Do you know how disastrous a broken washer is in a house with two small children? Well, allow me to recap a few highlights of the last 48 hours:

1. The small one has become an absolute pro in the ever popular game of "eat waaaay more then your tummy can hold and then spew it up all over yourself, the furniture and anyone who happens to be within spewing distance." Once your tummy is empty, latch back on and repeat as often as you like until boredom overtakes you or you fall asleep, whichever comes first.

2. The Snot Queen is Teething. Again. This time, she's added explosive nappies to her repetoire of teething talents. Nappies so explosive that her clothes need changing every time she fills one. Thank you love. Much appreciated.

3. At some point during our walk this morning, she also found a lovely pile of doggy feces in which to rest her weary laurels, along with her boots and the bottom half of her pants...

4. And did I mention that the small one is in cloth nappies?

Oh well! If worse comes to worse, we can always turn up the heat, let them run around naked and then just hose them down before bed...

Monday, November 2, 2009

The Most (un) Wonderful Time of the Year...

It's that time of year again...

No, not Christmas (despite what the shops would have you believe. All right boys! Move out Halloween, roll on Christmas!)

Not Halloween either (Did you not see the unbreakable Christmas tree ornaments in aisle two?)

Too late for back to school...

And waaaaaaaaaay too early for Easter eggs (Does anyone else find it kind of sad that Cadbury's eggs can now be had all year round?)


It's that OTHER time.

The time that involves lots of disinfectant and tons of arms length cuddles.

Yup. T'is the season for the stomach flu. It came in the middle of the night (sneaky bastard) uninvited and unwanted. We awoke to the sound of the snot queen whinging in her sleep and immediately moved her to the cozy spot between us in the hopes that she wouldn't wake the tiny one.

The whinging continued.

It was about this time that my mommy senses started tingling.


Two seconds later ...BLECH! The warm feel of vomit all over my back and neck.


The rest of the night was spent in a loop that went of like this. Whinge whinge... PUKE! ....Cry... Clean child, bedclothes, towels... get new ones out of the press... cuddle at arms length... dodge pukey kisses in the nicest way possible... turn off light.... doze....

whinge...whinge.... (Repeat as necessary)


The vomit comet rides again.

Get your tickets now.