Saturday, March 14, 2009

Learn as I go...

I am sooooo tired. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep from all the teething this week (still going strong! B@stard molars!) or if it's just the third trimester hormones kicking into gear, but I'm finding myself increasingly emotional these days and feeling everything just a little bit deeper...

Take my friends for instance. Just the other morning, I was doing my usual routine of procrastination before setting down to work (in the middle of that now actually...) when I came across a new friend's photos on Facebook. Nothing out of the ordinary mind you, just a typical album of family photos. No starving children or abandoned animals just loads of shots documenting the first year of her older son's life.

As her little boy is 3 now and I've only known her since the birth of her second baby, these pics were new to me. They showed me a side of this woman I've never seen before.

Of the mothers I know, she is the capable one. The one who's done this mothering lark before and who seems to have it all together. She is the one who's eyes say "I've been here before" and who's hands know what they're doing. She is the one whose lap was made for curling up in and whose arms are filled with strength and comfort. She has the husband, the kids, the house, the dog... Her life, from my perspective at least, seems solid.

When I looked at her pictures though, I saw another side.

I saw a woman, heavily pregnant on her first baby, her dark eyes filled with hope. Looking out at the camera with the smallest of smiles, as if to say, "Is this really happening?"

I saw a new mother, her baby clinging to her chest for warmth and security, her eyes still tired from the birth but her entire person suddenly alert and filled with a new life's purpose.

I saw the mama bear, who would die for her cub before letting any harm befall him.

I saw her oldest boy brand new again, looking so much like his younger brother and yet different enough that you knew it wasn't.

I saw a family in progress and a mother in the making.

I saw the past that had shaped the present I know.

But most of all, I saw a side of my friend that I'd never seen before. One that had the tears filling my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. It was a softer more uncertain side that looked out and grabbed at your heart and made me want to pull her into my lap and wrap my arms around her, offering her what strength and comfort I have. And when she was wrapped up safe and snug I would stroke her hair and tell her stories of the future.

About the most capable mother I know.


  1. God I'm not even pregnant and that makes me want to cry! But really its about witnessing a side of someone that is slightly vulnerable and tender right? They must have been some lovely images. I was feeling all loving towards my daughter when reading this, remembering what it was first like to become a mother... then I realised she was smashing a zucchini muffin into my newly washed floor, the one I have been trying to wash for 3 weeks now. Tender moment over.

  2. My eyes were filling up reading your comment until I got as far as "smashing a zuchinni muffin" and had to laugh as I just swept up our living room for the 800th time in 24 hours!!!! When we move to the dream house with it's giant airy kitchen, there will be a strict no eating in the sitting room policy invoked! The pics were just normal first year pics, it was just that look that she had that made me all weepy:)

  3. big hug my precious bump buddy.

  4. I felt like that looking at that same mother's pics, but you express it so beautifully. I will look at my new friends becoming mums for the second time with awe and admiration. You have a special place in my heart. xo

  5. Wow I just started reading your blog and I had to comment on this one!
    It's funny because that's how I see you when I look at your facebook pictures!
    You fit mommyhood so perfectly. Of course you were always great with kids. But seeing you with your babs this summer and in the pictures... you most definitely know what you're doing and you are great at it! She is more than lucky to have you as her mommy!!