My brain is on strike. Somewhere, on a hot tropical island, it is sitting at one of those umbrella tables with a nice, cool summery drink. A daiquiri maybe? Or a Margheurita (without the salt. Blech) Or maybe it's on a cruise. A Disney Cruise or something, having it's picture taken with Mickey and Minnie whilst deciding between shuffle board on the upper deck or salsa lessons in the main lounge.
Either way, the result is the same. I am blogless. Dustbowls are blowing through my mind. There is nothing, not a single scrap for me to write about that won't get me a) Beaten up b) Arrested or c) Divorced.
Speaking of... Can you get divorced if you're not married? It's just that once you have two kids together and a joint bank account, "breaking up" just doesn't sound serious enough. It's the same with labelling each other. Boyfriend and Girlfriend is what we were before the kids, the house, the arguments over damp towels left on the bedroom floor (Seriously, it takes 5 seconds to hang it up) and all the rest of the stuff that goes with being madly in love parents of two who plan on spending the rest of our lives together and just so happen to not be married.
"Partner" sounds a bit too cold and clinical. Partners have stainless steel kitchens, live in converted wearhouses and wear funky rimmed glasses. Everything they read or listen to is "Independant" and everything they own is fairly traded. They travel. A lot. In a nutshell, they are cool.
We are not that cool.
We are also not married, so "husband" and "wife" are therefore out.
What does that leave? Not much really. Friends? Well we are, but I'm friends with a lot of people that I don't have kids with. Lovers? Um... did I mention the two kids? Besides which, it just sounds so trashy. Imagine introducing someone as your lover. Lovers are like mashed potatoes or onion rings, they are something served on the side. They are not the main dish.
You know, considering the fact that 1 in 3 children born in Ireland last year were born to unmarried couples (Gasp! Shock! Horror!) I think it's time we were given a Noun of our own.
(Hey! Looks like I did have a blog after all...)