I am sitting here watching the snot queen coat herself in yoghurt. For someone who hates having her hair washed, she seems pretty darned determined to rub as much fruit and yoghurt into it as humanly possible.

If I was a reeeeaaallllly good mother, I would stop her little hands from mashing breakfast all over herself and maybe take the bowl away from her.

Meanwhile, the dishes somebody else said he'd do last night are still sitting on the kitchen counter next to the sink.

If I were a reeeeeeeaaaalllly good girlfriend, I would get up and do them myself.

What I am though is pregnant past the point of reason and in desperate need of a) a good night's sleep and b) a holiday from being "needed." Therefore, the snot queen can dump the whole bowl over her head if she so pleases so long as she stays happily occupied thus giving me a partial break and the dishes can wait for someone else to do them.

I'm no martyr.