P is for Permanent

I have a perm.

Apparently, when I told the stylist "Nice body wave a la Reese Witherspoon," she heard, " Great big perm a la Monica from friends that time they all went to Bermuda."

I made the appointment yesterday afternoon and stressed to the woman on the phone that what I wanted was a body wave, NOT a perm.

So far, so good.

I then proceeded to research bodywaves on the internet so that I would know EXACTLY what to expect. According to the all knowing hair experts on the information highway, my hair would be lovingly wrapped in GINORMOUS rollers, have some setting lotion placed in it and after an hour or so, I would emerge with soft Voluminous waves a la Cheryl Cole in the new L'Oreal ads.

So you can imagine my concern when my hairdresser reached back to 1993 and pulled out a drawerful of fingerwidth perm rods and started wrapping teensy tiny sections of my hair tightly enough to give me an impromptu facelift.

My fear mounted when she started saying things like, "WOW! I can't REMEMBER the last time I gave someone a PERM!!!"

or when the dusty curling rods started cracking after years of neglect...

"I guess it's because I haven't given anyone a PERM in years!"

(ummm... That's nice, but I'm not getting a perm, I'm getting a nice BODYWAVE. Remember? Reese Witherspoon? Cheryl Cole?)

When I asked her how long I could expect my new style to last, she looked at me as though I was stupid.

"Oh Maria! Don't you know that perm stands for PERMANENT?"

WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP USING THAT WORD!!!!!!!!

Added to that the fact that the only other people in the salon wearing a head full of curlers similar to mine didn't have an original tooth between them and were having an avid discussion about which of their friends were still living independently and well...

Needless to say, my dreams of soft, voluminous curls did not come true. Instead, I have spent the last 24 hours coming to terms with the fact that I am the first person under the age of 100 to get a perm since the early nineties.

Anyone know where I can get a decent pair of hammer pants?