Thursday, March 11, 2010

A New Definition

Dear Mr. Webster / Oxford/ all other purveyors of dictionaries,

Since becoming a mother, I have come to the realization that some of the definitions in your dictionary no longer apply to my everyday life. With that in mind, I have taken the liberty of re-defining some of your more common words and phrases to fit my altered circumstances;

Today's Word; Clean

Clean: (adjective) In regards to clothing - Contains fewer then three stains of a shade which could be said to almost blend in with said item of clothing (in certain lighting) or which can easily be hidden by a large accessory. Does not smell. Badly.

In regards to the house: Livable. General dissarray of day to day living acceptable. You could eat your dinner off of the kitchen floor. Not because it's immaculate but because that's where your baby threw it. Does not smell. Badly.

In regards to Self: Does not smell. Badly.


  1. Oh God, the smell thing. I vowed never to have those nasty air fresheners in the house, but with a 13 year old in nappies there's a mad rush to find and spray every time the door bell rings!

  2. Lol, you were looking in my window? I too would light a nice candle if someone was coming to visit, just in case. With two in nappies one can't be careful enough and I am always a bit paranoid there might be a smell and I am used to it so don't notice lol. Jen.

  3. In my house clean can also be defined as picking of mashed banana/pototo of your clothes. If you can't see it, its clean right?

  4. Each day this week I have found myself under junior's chair removing with my non existant finger nails - dried jam, tomatoe sauce, cheerios...How Clean is your house people in the white coats should just concentrate on this seat in my house, they could do a whole show around it. It's like he misses his mouth on purpose!

  5. Oh this post made me laugh out loud! My definition of clean is 'not likely to infect small children or old people with typhus or cholera'. My bathroom and kitchen are thus safe to enter....Mae x