I am eating peanut butter and jam toast off of the floor. Not just any peanut butter and jam toast mind you, but the kind that has had it's crusts lovingly removed and then been sucked and mauled to within an inch of it's life by a snotty, drool coated monster before meeting it's demise on the kitchen floor.

Oh crap! Must finish this later! She's taking stuff out of the recycling bin...