Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Unproven Theory and hot mamas...

Okay, so I know that I'm only supposed to be writing about well, my writing, but OH MY GOD!!!! the Universe keeps sending little events my way that just SCREAM "BLOG ABOUT ME!!!!! PUHLEEEEASE!!!!"

For starters, I am yet another step further from being a licensed driver. Having failed my theory test on the first go, I was determined that despite having NO DESIRE TO DRIVE WHATSOEVER (can you hear me love?) I would give the test another go and learn to operate a motor vehicle.

I read the damn book from cover to cover. I learned everything there is to know about driving on Irish roads, which, considering I'm a Canadian and don't even know the rules of the road there is pretty impressive stuff indeed.

I learned that if you want to take the third exit off of a roundabout, you approach from the right hand lane and that those upside down triangles painted on the road at T Junctions are not, as I previously thought, arrows which for reasons unknown never seemed to point the right direction, but are in fact yield signs.

I learned so much that no matter what page you turned to, I could tell you exactly what was on it and how it applied to driving a car in Ireland.

I arrived at the test centre full of beans and greeted the test adjudicators with what some may deem an inappropriate amount of affection. I sat down at my assigned terminal and waited with confidence for my test to begin.

As soon as the first question appeared on the screen, I felt my confidence wane. Question two gave it a desperate beating and question four had me wondering if I was taking the correct test. Surely these questions were wrong! surely there'd been a mix up of sorts! I'd read that book from cover to cover and NONE OF THIS CRAP WAS IN IT!!!!!

How the hell should I know when it's appropriate to use a hand brake?!?!?! I'm not a bloody mechanic! That's the kind of thing you learn AFTER you've passed your theory test and have moved onto LEARNING HOW TO DRIVE!!!!

How the hell should I know what the imaginary cyclist plans on doing when the cycle lane ends?!?!?!? I don't know them! They're IMAGINARY!!!!!!!!

Within the first ten minutes I knew I'd wasted another 33 euros. This was ridiculous. a complete and utter disaster. So it was no surprise when the nice lady who I'd practically hugged upon arrival called me in for my results and the first words out of her mouth were "I'm sorry, but..."

Yup. I'd failed yet again to pass a test that thousands of kids almost HALF MY AGE manage to pass on a daily basis. Not only that, but I let them know it wasn't my first time by screaming "AGAIN?!?!?" as she handed me my rejection letter. Smooth one.

My second bit of "Blogworthy News" occured yesterday afternoon when I was putting the girls down for a nap. I was watching E! Network's "15 Hottest Hollywood Moms" (not recommended when you still have another stone to lose and can't quite remember whether or not you've had your daily rinse. To call it a shower would be a stretch.) which was of course filled with the usual line up of tall, thin, ridiculously wealthy stick insects who managed to spit out babies on a monday and be bikini ready by Friday.

My favourite moment had to be when in one breath, they lauded Angelina Jolie for being such a hands on mom and then in the next breath went on to talk about her FOUR FULL TIME NANNIES!!! Um... Hello? Reality? I'd like to order a check please!

So yes, those are the bloggy things I've been dying to talk about, as far as my writing goes, I did manage to get an hour or two of editing done yesterday as well as a few emails sent out. Today, if the stars line up and the gods smile down on me, I'm hoping to get a survey put together about birth choice in Ireland, an email prepared and sent to the head of breastfeeding and more work done polishing the section on Homebirth.

Hope all is well with you!

Mammy x


  1. "the usual line up of tall, thin, ridiculously wealthy stick insects who managed to spit out babies on a monday and be bikini ready by Friday" LOL! Isn't that the truth? It is absolutely disheartening and maddening to see those women and hear all the praise being heaped on them for losing the baby weight so quickly.

    Oh, and I love your comment about Angelina Jolie and her 4 full-time nannies: Reality check indeed!

    I could look fabulous, too, if I had a full-time chef, personal trainer, stylist, nanny and housekeeper. But I don't. No one REAL does!

    Stopping by from SITS to say hello!

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. (typo in last post)
    I know that I need to get back to you but ERSI got in the way. Will get back to you soon promise, kick me if I don't I am interested!

    By the way I failed my test once (well twice if you consider the fact I turned up with an expired probational license, I wasn't allowed to sit the test) so third time lucky worked for me.

    PS handbrake should be used on a hill is what I answered

    PSS my diet is continuing to be a disaster I don't think I have eaten more crap during the past week. So will stay away from stick insect mothers with no baby bellies, 4 nannies and personal trainers thank you very much!

  4. I don't envy on the driving part. I am pretty sure that if I had to memorize that stuff I would forget pertinent information, like my name or where my children are. And as for Jolie, if I had the hired help she does I would look FAB too. Maybe they should do a show on the 15 Hottest Real Moms and show moms covered in spit up and in sweats with their hair in a ponytail fending off the advances of their husbands!

  5. Errr, yup hate it when skinny pregnant people get praise for being skinny after having a baby. Work involved? None. Derrr. Trust me, I was a stick insect with the first two.

    But ask me now when I spent the last 2 months of pregnancy sitting on my ass eating burgers...it's taking a little bit longer to 'bounce' back!

  6. 4 Nannies!!! Does she even know what being a parent involves!! I wonder if she's ever changed a nappy! Grrrh!!

  7. Love your writing. It makes me laugh.
    love mom (P.S. I was once those stick moms
    after birth until your brothers were born).
    It was downhill after that.