It was the sound of suckling that awoke me. That incessant "slurp, slurp, slurp" which all parents know as infant speak for "I'm hungry. Feed me now and nobody gets hurt. Wait 2 seconds and I will scream so loud that birds will fly from the trees and worse, the snot queen will wake up thinking it's time to start the day."
It was 5:30 in the morning. On a Saturday. Forgive me for wanting to sleep oh great infant overlord.
Twenty five minutes of enthusiastic guzzling later, I made the mistake of shifting my position causing her to momentarily lose her latch. This resulted in the aforementioned almighty roar which, while I am uncertain of it's effects on local birdlife, had the very unfortunate result of a very cheerful, instantly alert sounding "Bahbee?" from the other side of the room.
The Snot Queen was awake.
For the next three hours, the girls played a horrible, vicious game of "sleep tag" whereby one of them slept while the other did their best to keep mammy awake.
At eight thirty, they called time on their shenanigans and bright eyed and bushy tailed, declared the day open for business.
I on the other hand, was a snarling, rather feral looking creature who wanted nothing nothing more then to wring the necks of each of my offspring as well as that of their well rested father, who took one look at the blood lust in my eyes and suggested - rather wisely - that I stay in bed just a little bit longer and he'd take the girls downstairs.
Being the calm, reasonable soul I am, I immediately rejected his offer, bit off his head and spat it disdainfully on the ground before seeing sense and diving back under the duvet and falling promptly into a coma.
At eleven o'clock (and in the middle of a dream involving David Letterman, my family and a pair of tights that had, amongst other things, a man's face complete with protruding nose printed on them ) I was awoken by my partner who then served me breakfast in bed complete with a wine glass of orange juice before returning downstairs to the tiny terrors.
What can I say?
I'm a lucky woman.