There are certain things that no one tells you about breastfeeding. Things you have to discover for yourself.
Like the pain you will feel when trying to night wean your toddler.
When after weeks of "success," they suddenly wake screaming in the night. Wanting one thing and one thing only.
The one thing you can no longer give them because you know that it will undo the weeks of work that have come before.
So you try to comfort them in other ways.
You hold their arching body and dodge their grabbing hands.
You sing and shush softly, softly.
You read books.
You offer cups of expressed milk.
Which would be grand were it hunger that drove them...
You feel frustrated.
Why don't they understand?
It will be there in the morning, afternoon and even in the evening...
Just not the night, anymore.
Why does it feel like a battle
you against them
someone must win
why does there have to be a loser
You feel guilty, because they are so little.
If it were just the one, it would be different. You would feed them whenever, wherever...
But there is another mouth to feed...
a smaller mouth that needs you more.
So you do what you have to
to keep them both going...
But you don't talk about it, much. Because it's hard to explain that you don't want to stop. That you love feeding both of your babies, that it's not a matter of weaning one completely. That isn't what I want. It just seems sometimes, like there are so many people out there wondering, "what is she doing? Why is she still feeding her toddler? When does she plan on stopping?"
To say that I'm having any difficulty whatsoever invites floods of well meaning advice, always with the same solution.
It's okay to stop you know.
But I don't.
Want to stop that is.
But that is the only answer anyone seems to have whenever I hit a bump in the road, which contrary to popular belief, is not that often.
God I've gone off track here!
But I feel a lot better now.
Thanks for listening.