Friday, December 11, 2009

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

I'll keep this letter short as the babies are sleeping, the kitchen's a disaster and there is something that smells vaguely of pizza on the hem of my sweater, but as we haven't had that gourmet delight in weeks, I'll assume it's a bit of sauce from Monday's spaghetti.

Just so you know, the girls are way too young to "get" you yet, so I've decided that this year I will be hijacking the list and making a few requests of my own.

Oh, and I assume that the old protocol of thanking you for last year's presents and requesting that you not forget the sick kids in hospital still applies? Consider it done! Also, if we could assume that good health and happiness for my family are a given, that would be great.

Now, let's get down to business....

For starters, I've been a VERY good girl this year. Despite the teething and the tantrums, the filthy nappies and the never ending cycle of changing, feeding, bathing (them, not me) dishes, sweeping, wiping and laundry that is my life, I have not sold or disposed of any members of my family. Considering that I spent the better part of the year filled with high octane pregnancy hormones, we will consider this a true Christmas miracle indeed.

Now, being a mom, I always think of others before myself. Therefore, I would like to ask for a few special pressies for my nearest and dearest...

For my soon to be husband: A pair of glasses to help him see the piles of laundry sitting hopefully on the stairs just begging to be carted upstairs and put away.

For my beautiful Snot Queen: A self wiping face and bum so as to avoid the shrieks of horror and violent acrobatics everytime she sees us approaching with a wet cloth or tissue.

For my small one: Volume Control.

For myself, I would like the following;

...A self cleaning kitchen with a self cooking oven. If I order now, do I also qualify for the self cleaning, toddler proof dishes and cookware set?

... My very own sleep fairy. I currently share the local one with at least 15 other mothers and because of this, quality and speed of service are definitely suffering.

...Vegetables shaped like rice cakes as these are the only solid foods my daughter is currently interested in...

...a holiday. Anywhere, Anytime. In fact, if that's too much, I'd even settle for a trip to the toilet alone or a shower by myself where nobody tries to clean my feet with my toothbrush.

...Speaking of alone time, I would also like an additional hour to be tacked onto each day for me to do with as I please. Failing that, an isolation chamber would do quite nicely.

...A sense of style. Mine went missing around the same time as the mucous plug.

...A puke and pooh resistant outfit which always looks great and never needs laundering.

...Calorie free chocolate biscuits which also fulfill all of my daily nutritional requirements.

...A nursing bra that does NOT GIVE ME A UNI BOOB!!!!!

...The ability to carry on a conversation without once mentioning pooh or sleep.

...Magical toilet training fairies that could come and get the snot queen out of nappies. Hmmm... perhaps we could start a breeding service with the sleep fairy...

And of course, if you have room in your sack...


Sigh... I could go on, but the kiddies are still sleeping and unfortunately, this kitchen won't clean itself. (yet!)

Thank you so much to you, Mrs. Claus and the elves. I look forward to seeing you and the Reindeer soon.

All the best,

M xoxoxox


  1. These are great! I know that these requests would definitely be on my list too!

  2. Totally LOL at fashion sense gone with the mucous plug!! Hahahaha! I never thought of it that way, but I think the same may have happened to me! O.o

  3. Ha ha love the non uni boob bra. Let me know where santa manages to find that one!

  4. haha, love it. Please send that list with my name on it too :D

  5. Fantastic, laugh out loud. This blog is great therapy!

  6. Great post! I'm still chuckling :o) So glad I found your blog - I'll be back!